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Like falling in love or meeting your soulmate, people say you'll "just know" when you're having an orgasm. That's a lovely sentiment, and might be true for some people, but sometimes you might actually not know. Orgasms can be explosivesubtle, inaudible, or somewhere in between. If you aren't sure what you're "supposed to be feeling" during an orgasm, that's okay, because it can be confusing.
Unfortunately, many people feel embarrassed and defeated when they question whether or not they've had an orgasm, says Vanessa Marina sex therapist who specializes in teaching women how to orgasm. The truth is that orgasms can feel very different from person to person, and one person can "experience wildly different orgasms ," Marin says. Some may even experience an orgasm the first time they have sex. To that same point, many women will go their whole lives and never have an orgasmfor a variety of reasons. But you can still have a fulfilling, pleasurable sex life without orgasms, because they don't have to be the finish line of every sexual experience.
If you're not sure if you're having orgasms, or just want to explore your own orgasm potential, here are some answers that might help you get there:. What exactly is an orgasm? Orgasms seem mystical, but you can just think of them as a "peak sexual experience," Marin says. To get even more basic, orgasms are simply a "reflex in the body," or side effect of great pleasure, says Shannon ChavezPsyD, a clinical sex therapist.
That means it's helpful to not get hung up on whether or not you're going to have an orgasm, and instead really savor and enjoy all the other pleasurable aspects of sex, she says. And then if you are Do you need some cum enough, that could lead to an orgasm, she says.
What does an orgasm feel like? In short, an orgasm feels like an "intense buildup of tension in the body, followed by a release of energy that in sensations in different parts of the body — especially the part being stimulated," Dr. Chavez says. A lot of people think they're supposed to feel a sense of relief or release, but that doesn't always happen, Marin says.
Technically, when you have an orgasm, there's a " surge of chemicals in the brain responsible for feelings of euphoria and bonding," Dr. Those chemicals should make you feel happy and good, she says. One of the best ways to describe an orgasm is just "pleasure" itself, Marin says.
Then you probably just had an orgasm, she says.
What happens to your body when you orgasm? Lots of things that are often unexpected. If it feels like your vaginal walls, thighs, butt, leg muscles, or abs are contracting or twitching, that's usually a pretty clear that you're orgasming, she says.
Some people get very sensitive after an orgasm, and experience " throbbingtwitching, fluttering, and tickling," Dr. You might also notice a change in your breathing pattern or heart rate, Dr. Some people also get a reddish flush across their neck and chest, Marin says. Again, everyone is different, so you might not notice these exact things happen to you, but generally these are the clues to look out for. Why can't I orgasm? There are multiple potential explanations for anorgasmia, including vaginismushormonal birth control, aging, and psychological factors.
Sometimes, it's a combination of things. For example, Lux Alptraum ly told Refinery29 she noticed a period of being unable to orgasm after taking birth control and antidepressants. If you have anorgasmia, it's best to focus on pleasure rather than actual orgasm during sexual activity. How do you have an orgasm?
First step: Relax. Many people focus too hard on having an orgasm and end up losing all arousal, so it's important to just chill and think about being aroused instead, Dr. The other thing that's often misunderstood about orgasms is that they're a "learned response," she says. That means how you experience an orgasm depends on how you've conditioned your body to experience arousal and sensation, she says.
Marin suggests you masturbate to figure out what works for your body. If you're not sure where to start, we have a day masturbation challenge that will probably give you a few ideas. Ultimately, "practice is the best way to experience orgasm," Dr. So if you put in a little effort, your time will probably come.
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