Added: Nikolai Aquilar - Date: 29.01.2022 06:30 - Views: 10756 - Clicks: 1902
Holding space for someone in emotional pain is a concept many people are not familiar with but have nonetheless felt it, on some level, at some point. Holding space, or creating a container, can be especially helpful when someone is in deep griefstruggling with unresolved traumaor in the throes of depression.
If needed, how does a person actually do this? The answers to these questions are quite simple in theory but complex in practice. At one time or another, someone in our lives will need a space held that is loving, nonjudgmental, and empathetic. If you accept the challenge, your desire to be of service to the other person will be the first building block for holding that sacred space. Loving-kindness is a term rooted in Buddhist tradition, though it appears in other religious and secular traditions as well.
It describes the reverent present-moment cultivation of compassion and love for another living being, the earth, or the self. When practicing deep listening, we listen not just to hear but to understand. This practice goes beyond any kind of hearing that can be done with the ears.
It is listening with the heart. Similar to loving-kindness, unconditional positive regard is the practice explained by Carl Rogers in which a person holds another with absolute regard. This is the foundation of all healing therapeutic relationships.
This practice rests on the knowledge that no matter what the person has done or who the person is, the listener holds them with deep respect, compassion, and positive regard. This is arguably the most difficult of the essential elements for those in Western culture.
Do not try to change anything, and resist the urge to do anything. You are only creating a safe space for the other person to express and feel their feelings. Sit with them in the hard stuff. Allow the other person to feel whatever they are feeling. Hold them if they need you to when they cry. Remember to breathe.
Checking in with your breath is an effective way to make sure you remain grounded. It will also help you stay connected to your own body, which is the most powerful tool you have in assessing your connection to the other person and to yourself. If you become un-grounded while holding space for someone who needs it, they may find it difficult to trust the space and you.
In order to do any of the things listed above, you must be able and willing to be present with and for yourself.
Holding space for someone in deep pain can bring up your own pain. Often, when someone is in pain, we try to fix it for them. While that might make us feel better, the other person may feel even more isolated in their pain. So above all, be there for and with the other person.
Do not try to fix them or their feelings. They do not need fixing. The only way over their pain is through it. Practicing these essential elements will help make sure you are holding a useful and kind space for the other person. We so rarely hold space for each other nowadays that the mere fact you are trying may absolve you of any unintentional mistakes you make. All rights reserved. Permission to publish granted bytherapist in Denver, Colorado. The preceding article was solely written by the author named above.
Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared by GoodTherapy. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. From time to time what I need most of all is simply to have someone there to be there for me. No this needs to be my time to feel that pain and to grieve and for someone to just be there to be an emotional help for me.
The people who try to take what you are personally going through and change it into what they have experienced, this is not what you need at this time. You need someone who can out their own feelings to the side and focus on you in that moment.
Think of the strength and kindness that you could appreciate from another and in turn remember that this is likely what this person needs from you at this moment. Beautiful article — Thank you — in my work with bereaved people — the non verbal holding of the space is essential. Thank you, Theresa. I work mostly with sexual trauma survivors and with gender diversity. Holding the space is also essential. Thank you! Most of the time if you are genuinely a kind and compassionate person then you can do this for another person in the same way that you would hope that they could do the same thing one day for you if needed.
I had a close friendship for thirty years.
I moved interstate. She asked my special support, to be her confidante and there for her to help her in her grief. I felt shocked and hurt … how could she have not let me know her mother whom I knew had died until many months later and then ask for my deep support? She had no explanation and reacted strongly negatively to my expression of condolence but limited ability to provide what she said she needed from my.
A person has only so much they can give to others without cracking. My son has needed intensive support and a team of professionals and is on the mend but my friendship with this dear friend seems lost. Thank you for sharing this article…. But I feel that we could all use this from someone in our lives at times.
Being able to sit with someone through the pain is life changing for them. There is no other way but through…too many want to get over. I have seen what this does and I am humbled by it each and every time. I know how crucial it is for healing and most of all for hope. For Micka, Had you tried sharing with her about your son, or like you shared with us here, only in a more personal appropriate context with her?
When I have a problem I always say go deeper. You were not able to connect where you wanted to. And you needed someone to hold space for you as well. I would take I seek someone to hold from her reaction and try to modify my response but holding space is also just accepting where that person has to be.
Consider 8 on the list. Hopefully this resolved or is resolving for you, as the posts are two years old. Find Peace. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.
Get Listed. Find a Therapist Advanced Search. Invalid Address. Please confirm that you are human. Carla May 23rd, at AM From time to time what I need most of all is simply to have someone there to be there for me. Leave a Comment By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.
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11 Things That Will Help You Hold Space for Someone