Added: Alys Rothwell - Date: 15.10.2021 17:48 - Views: 38247 - Clicks: 2284
Mindfulness master Thich Nhat Hanh teaches us the simplest of truths. You just took a breath while reading that sentence. It passed without you noticing. Most of life passes without us noticing.
We spend most of our time in the future and the past, yet the present is all that exists. Tinder and its ilk are very unmindful activities. We are always looking at the future — the next person to make us happy. Or, occasionally, the past in those awkward moments of seeing an ex online. We chat, put on our best face, try to be funny, insightful, intelligent, fun, sensitive. Breathing in, I am swiping right.
After ending a long relationship, it took me a while to work out what I wanted. To be blunt, I went on a date with any woman who seemed remotely eligible, just to see what worked for me. This set a bad pattern for me. Like many single people these days, dates became disposable.
The real irony? It was also at the expense of the future — focussing on an idealised future kept me from reaching it.
What I was really doing was living in the future, always hoping for something better. The jackpot never comes. But it might…. None of the eventuated. Logistics aside how the hell do you have over dates in 90 days?
After dates, not meeting someone worth at least a few months of your time seems very unlikely. The next swipe might just be the person of your dreams.
Just maybe. The dopamine rush of maybe meeting Mr or Ms Right is powerful. But it keeps us from living in the present. From looking at those who are in front of us, right here and right now, and seeing how we can make that work. Of living in the present moment. Tinder and its ilk have a tendency to make us live in the future. But her relentless focus on the next person — swiping right to the perfect person — kept her from finding him. And it also kept him from finding her. If you think about it that way, disposable dating is really an anti-love story.
Never giving someone the chance to be the special one.
Those which I had decided not to see again, I asked myself, why? Did I make the right decision or was I placing too much pressure on my expectations of them? Was I over thinking the future or were there genuine reasons? When I meet someone, I now ask: am I enjoying her company?
Is this a positive experience? If the answer is yes, then I ask to see her again. I had a few dates recently with a girl who was lovely. Smart, creative, attractive and great fun to spend time with. Ok, and an above average kisser. But who knows? That was a positive and more mindful interaction. Someone I can have a pleasant time with in the Now, the moment, and see how things progress.
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The Difference Between Being His Ms. Right Vs. Ms. Right Now